Sugar 'n Spice VoxBox Blog Post

Now that I have had the Sugar n Spice voxBox, I will review the products, 

My two favorites were, the Vaseline Spray and Go. I love the smell, it is not greasy and makes everything soft.

I loved the Colgate 360 tooth brush, I will be buying this again.  I loved the  NECTRESSE. I am not a huge sweetener person but this one I can handle. 

The belVita Breakfast was really tasty and filling, I may get those again. They seem to be perfect for those on the go.

The Colgate Optic White mouthwash seemed like it would do it's job, however I found it way to hard to use. Even my husband thought the same thing. It burned our moths pretty bad and we couldn't keep it in. It says it didn't have alcohol in it but it still burned. I am not a huge fan of the toothpaste either but my daughter loves it. 

The Dicksons wipes were great. Soft and did the work. I however was not fond of the smell, however it wasn't lingering so it was not unbearable.

I love testing products from Influenster. I am glad I am able to be a member.

I recieved these products complimentary from influenster and their partnering teams to test and rate these products/

Colgate Optic White" (for influenster)

 http://bit.ly/UVoWWv
 http://bit.ly/154mB2X

I recieved colgate 360 in my sugar and spice vox box:
This is my first try on using these products. So far so good. Love the toothbrush it was actually my favorite thing from Colgate.  The toothpaste was extremely minty with a slight burning sensation in my mouth I guess my tongue is sensitive because it burned. I used the mouthwash after and that too burned my mouth. I had to spit it out quickly because it shocked me so bad. I'm sure I will get accustomed to it and will love it. The mouthwash claims to be alcohol free and to use the same whitening ingredients as strips. All in all it was a great product for my first try and it left my mouth/teeth feeling clean.


 I received all the products complimentary from Influenster. 

Forgiveness,

I have always been a pretty forgiving person. I'll pretty much forgive just about anyone. No matter who you are or what you've done. I guess it comes hand in hand with the compassion I have in my heart. I am a highly compassionate person who feels with every fiber of my body. I put 100% into everything I do. 

I love to help people and if I am capable, I will do everything in my power to do so. Of course, there are things I can't do and if I can't you can be assured,  I'll feel bad about not being able to. 

So, it bothers me that there are so many out there who completely take advantage of kindness. They continue to hurt many and use "well, they/I don't realize it"  as an excuse to continue to blindly hurt people. If you hurt someone, all it takes is an I'm sorry to smooth  things over. Shoot, if your that proud to even mutter an "I'm sorry" then do something to make up for your actions. 

I am teaching my kids the true meaning of forgiveness and I am working on my own forgiving issues. There are a few things that take me awhile to forgive for. But it's mainly habitual offenses that make me hang onto not forgiving someone. I am doing my best to work on forgiving sooner. Life is to short to hang onto the small things. It all starts with the tiny humans because they are the key to our future. But remember, if you hurt them, even intentional, whether it be physically, verbally or emotionally,  they will remember it and It is our job to be there to show them how to forgive. 

Fire

That's what my body feels like right now. Like it's on fire. I can't sleep because both my hips and thighs are sore. I compare it to when I was pregnant with Kyle and I had to switch positions every 5 mins because it hurt.  My thighs hurt, ankles wrists and arms all hate me too Yay~

I have been on Savella for 24 hours now. It seems to make me a little drowsy. I slept okay the first night, but not today. I know it takes time for the medicine to kick in. I am on a inclining dose over the next few weeks. The first day I take 12.5, then the second day I take 12.5 x's a day. I do this for four days then I start taking 25 mgs 2 x's a day for a few days, then it's up to 50mg 2x's a day.

I hope this medicine works. Those who told me that some days are better than others are so right. I had a hard time opening the hatch back to my van today. Squeezing the handle in was painful. I could also not really carry anything in my arms. If I did, my arms would tingle and feel itchy and of course burn.

I want to cry. I HATE feeling like this. I hate saying poor me. I will get through this. I just need to vent so, here I am. Thanks for listening and not thinking I am complaining or whining. I know there are people out there who have it far worse than I do, whether it be FM wise or any health condition. So, I will suck it up and face the day.

Amie

If theses walls could talk 2

This movie, came out in 2000. After watching these touching stories, I felt that people who are gay needed to have some form of rights. It's so heart breaking to watch. I would never want to be put in the predicament that these two are. I wasn't even married when I saw this.

Here is the synopsis of their story: From Wikipedia

An elderly couple, Edith (Vanessa Redgrave) and Abby (Marian Seldes) sit in a cinema watching a lesbian-themed film The Children's Hour. A couple walks out of the theater in disgust at the film, and a group of kids laugh when they see Edith and Abby holding hands. Later at the home they have shared for 30 years, Abby falls from a ladder. At the hospital, doctors tell Edith that Abby may have suffered a stroke. Edith spends the night in the waiting room and in the morning she learns that Abby died during the night, and none of the hospital workers informed her after it had happened.

Edith telephones Abby's nephew, Ted (Paul Giamatti), to tell him the news. Before Ted and his family come for the funeral, Edith removes all traces that they were a couple. She makes it look like they had separate bedrooms and removes photographs of the two of them together. At the house afterwards, Ted and Edith talk about the fact that the house was in Abby's name. Although Edith contributed equally to the mortgage, she legally owns no part of it. As Alice packs up Abby's belongings, Ted tells Edith that he would consider letting Edith staying in the house and paying him rent. Edith tells him that Abby would have wanted her to stay in the house, as that was what they always talked about. Ted eventually tells her that it would be better if he sells the house and she finds a place of her own although he says that he'll wait till she finds a new place before putting the house on the market. The family leaves, with Ted telling Edith that he will be in touch in a couple of weeks to discuss what she is going to do.

You can find this on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_These_Walls_Could_Talk_2 

There are two more stories that are both touching. Here is their discription from Wikipedia:

1972

Linda (Michelle Williams), a young student, now shares the house with three friends, all lesbians. They face conflict with the feminist group they are part of when the other women do not want to include lesbian issues despite the fact that Linda and her friends helped to found the group and fought for free contraception on campus with their straight friends.

At a lesbian bar they have not been to before, they are surprised and disappointed to see women apparently fulfilling traditional butch and femme roles. They laugh at Amy (Chloë Sevigny), a young butch woman who is wearing a tie. Amy asks Linda to dance but she refuses while her friends are still there. The others soon leave and Linda stays behind and dances with Amy. Later, Amy gives Linda a ride home on her motorcycle and they kiss. Linda invites Amy to return the next day.

The next day Linda and the others are arguing with a woman from the feminist group when Amy arrives. Linda is embarrassed and is short with Amy who quickly leaves. Linda's friends tease her about Amy and question how they can be taken seriously as feminists if they associate with people like Amy. They cannot understand why a woman would dress like a man when they have fought so hard to escape such stereotypical roles.

Linda goes to Amy's house and apologizes. They sleep together. The next morning Linda sees a picture of Amy as a child, dressed like a boy. She asks Amy if Amy is supposed to be the man and Linda the woman. Amy says no and accuses Linda of being afraid that people will know what she is if she is seen with Amy.

Amy goes to Linda's house for dinner. Linda urges her friends to give Amy a chance but an awkward evening deteriorates when Linda's friends criticize Amy and try to make her change her clothes. Amy leaves, upset. Linda follows her home and tells her that she was never ashamed of Amy, but only of herself. They reconcile.

[edit]2000

The house is now inhabited by Fran (Sharon Stone) and Kal (Ellen DeGeneres), a couple hoping to have a baby together. They hope to get a sperm donation from Tom (George Newbern) and Arnold (Mitchell Anderson), a gay couple, but when the men are reluctant to agree to stay out of the baby's life, the women decide not to go ahead. Later, Kal tells Fran that she does not want to know the father of the baby and they agree to use an anonymous donor. They look for donors on the internet and find a company to use. Going through endless profiles of potential donors, Kal gets upset that she herself cannot get Fran pregnant.

When they discover that Fran is ovulating, Kal hurries to the donor company to get the sperm. She inseminates Fran, but with no success. They share their worries for their child. They know that their baby will face discrimination but hope that their love for each other and their child will be enough. After three attempts to get pregnant, they go to a doctor to help them conceive. Shortly afterwards they discover that Fran is pregnant.

If you watch the movie on the YouTube page, you can watch the next three stories.

So, No I will not judge. But I am STILL Christian. Think of how you would feel if you were in Edith's shoes. Our world has come so far. There was a time as women, we had no rights. We were thought less. Black/White relationships were look down upon.  Both, are now distant memories. I can not wait for the day that this too is a distant memory, because we are all would rather discuss something else.

I am a Christian, despite what you believe. (LONG)

**Disclaimer- This is not an attack on ANYONE, these are just my thoughts after occurances that have happened during the week. Do not assume this about you. If you think it is, ask me.

If you do not agree, okay. I will not hold it against you because I respect your beliefs. Nothing will change. I have nothing against people who are against Gay Rights. So please do not be against me for mine and certainly don't question my love & devotion for God.  If this offends you, it was not my attention. It may have some repetitiveness because I feel sooo strongly about this. I am standing up for both Christians and people who are gay. This is not a post intended to make you change your mind about accepting the gay lifestyle, it's to defend my stand and my beliefs that thou shall not judge. If you are not accepting of the lifestyle, I'm pretty certain you won't change your mind because of something I wrote and that's okay. I still love you as my brother and sister, as we are all children of God. **


I am blogging about this because I feel it's important, especially when my beliefs (and my childrens)  are questioned. Over the past few days, there has been a lot of controversy over Gay rights. It has come to head because of the big congress vote that was being brought up this past week. There were lots of FB pics being posted, Some in support, some in opposition. I am supportive. It is not up to me but up to my maker to decided what's right and what's wrong with that being said my stand on homosexuality is this: You are in charge of your life. Your choices do not effect me. I am not going to turn my back on you or deny you, your rights. I will not judge you, I will love you as thy neighbor no matter what your beliefs, sexual orientation, sins or even non-beliefs are. I believe they deserve to have rights, I believe they should be able to share a name, I believe they should be able to be the proctor of their loved ones health, not shut out because they are not family. I believe they should have the same rights we do. Again, this is my belief and I am not attempting to change your mind if you do not see as I do.

So, because I am an ally for gay rights, I am not entitled to be a christian? Who died and made you God?? I know Jesus died, but he died for our sins. I can't stress enough how we are all sinners, even if we think we aren't.  There are so many hidden temptations that you don't think about. But, I do not call anyone out on them. Nor will I deny your right to call yourself a Christian. If you don't believe in it, then it's your duty to pray to our Heavenly Father to ask that they turn to Him.  Not turn your back on someone. But, again I respect beliefs of others. I am just making points.

God's love is an amazing thing that many of us take for granted. It is His love that I instill in my heart and in my children's heart.  We are not perfect Christians but, we are Christians nonetheless. Who am I to say who is a good Christian or not? That's not my place nor is yours.

We pray several times a day, probably more than most. We learn of His words and Jesus' work. We are compassionate, understanding, forgiving people. I encourage my children to live with an open heart and an open mind but most of all to follow God's will. Only God will decide who will enter heaven. So don't call me un-Christian because I choose not to turn my back on someone for their sexual orientation. I will argue that I am. And by arguing that I am does not mean that I dislike you, or am attacking you.  Your beliefs are yours and your loved ones. They do not offend me. However, I am offended when my children, husband or I am told that we are not Christians. 

I am posting  a status I put on FB: These bible verses are my backbone:

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets".  If you start judging someone then you are loosing your connection with God. 1. Because you judged the person who is gay 2. Because you judged me for not turning my back on them.  If I judge sinners, any sinner than I am not a true child of God and I am not listening to His word. How does that make me any better than them? 
We will all face Him one day and He will make the decision of our fate. It is not up to me to say to anyone that the lifestyles they choose are wrong. This verse is the Golden Rule? How can you forget and dishonor this? I find my self quoting a lot. It is definitely the one I live by. If one of my kids hits their sibling, this is what is said to them. 

Mark 12:31 

"Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these" <--- If more people followed this rule, and remember the root of it, I believe there would be less violence and anger in the world.  I don't care what your background is, what your sins are, what you belief is, if you cross my path then I will walk with you on the same street you do and not snub my nose up. I will treat you as I would treat myself. Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. God forgave us for our sins, It's why Jesus died for us on the cross this very day. 

Luke 6: 37 


"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.Luke 6:37 translated from Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Let us do something from God and love our Brothers and Sisters.
 
 I have compassion in my heart. God is the one who put this into my heart. and I will not deny HIS calling. I am compassionate about GOD. Because I choose not to judge, I will not be afraid to post things on my facebook or blog in fear that it will  not be politically correct or offend someone. It won't hurt me if I am not allowed in your group because of my belief. If I don't like something someone posts, I just over look it, end of story. Just because we don't have the same belief. 

Let me reiterate , I do not care if you are against it, that's your choice. This blog is those who believe those like me are not Christians because we choose not to turn our backs on people who are gay. 
Do not tell me I can't be part of a group or a faith because of my beliefs.

I'd like to also post this:


Corinthians 6:9-10-11  (Thank you Cine, for helping Brieana and I. I am so glad that we have you to learn from.)

Do you not know that wrong doers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men
10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 : And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

That's the key for all of us it's being washed in the blood & that's the way into heaven. Not by what we do or don't do, but by accepting Him as Savior It seems to me once people see the word homosexuality, everything else becomes obsolete &  over looked. Remember it also says  idolaters
10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers My theory, They overlook that becase they do not want to put themselves in one of those catagories. If you think about it, most of us are in that catagory. But, that's the beauty of it. We are all washed in the bath, forgiven, It doesn't say we are all washed in the bath with the exception of homosexuals... It's right there in writing. His word. Throught the bible, it will remind us of our sins because quite frankly there are a lot. The Bible reminds us that we are NOT perfect but, He loves us no matter what. If you deny His name and Deny that HE is the Lord and Savior then, you will go to Hell. I don't think, I have met one gay person who has not accepted Jesus into their heart. I am sure, there are some out there, the devil needs his people too. They lean on Him for support, just as you and I have. I may not be perfect, I may not be able to quote perfect scripture, but I do know I am a good person. So again! Do NOT tell me that I am not a Christian because I am following His word and His teachings and that does make me a Christian in every way. I confess my sins daily. I also accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savoir and I have been forgive. Do not tell me I can't be part of a group or a faith because of my beliefs. Unless your group clearly states that you are against it, but if it were that case, I wouldn't join in the first place. I am a Christian.
And if all else fails and you still think I am non Christian, then I pray that you will say the serenity prayer and I will say it for you.

Admitting isomething, is half the battle.

For awhile now I have been in denial. Denial because I didn't want to admit I had something wrong. That my body was causing me issues. I convinced myself it was all in my head. but after realizing that my insomnia matter was not just some small thing I began to think I was not as super-human as I liked to believe.. The meds/sleep-aides I tried,  both over the counter and prescription, don't work. The advice I was given from several about making a routine that included do's and don'ts. I have tried them all. It made me believe that there was something else going on.

Then, there are issues I have been having. I don't mention them to many because I am not one who likes to dwell on my problems. I just kind of keep it to myself. Lee, doesn't even know the extent of it.

 It seemed to start right after I had Lexie. I just thought that it was residual effects from being on Magnesium Sulfate three times in one month as well as all the other medications I had to take while hospitalized.  It started with my arms, then went to my hands, neck, back, legs, thighs, knee's and ankles. I feel the most discomfort in my arms and hands. I can't hold a pan in one hand. Sometimes, it's difficult to hold my phone and text with one hand, I have pain and I shake and my legs hurt if I bend or stretch too much. I constantly have to switch positions. If I do a lot of something, Ie: Lifting, heavy duty cleaning, lifting Alexa all day, my arms and body feel as though I am on fire.

After talking to some friends and asking my mom they suggested I speak to my doctor about having Fibromyalgia.  Someone mentioned this to me awhile back and I shrugged it off. Until the pain (and I say that loosely, it hurts but it's a different kind of "hurt") started expanding and happening more frequently I decided to ask my friends more in depth questions  They all agreed, it seemed like I could have it and they urged me to speak with my doctor.
.
So, I went to the Doctor today. I had a follow up from my supposed diverticulitis episode which, I have since learned that FM can cause intestinal issues. And... he agreed. He said he said that he was certain I had it. He prescribed me Servella.

I am feeling completely overwhelmed.  I have to admit that I have this thing that slows me down sometimes. I have to admit that the "pain" I feel is real. But, I will continue to do as I always do. I will not use it as an excuse. I will not dwell on it. I will learn to live with it...I have so much learning to do. I will NOT let this beat me. I already deal with PCOS and that has taken over my body. I won't let FM.  Now, admitting it, is half the battle.

Any suggestions, advice, information you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

♥Amie

Little Secret...

I have a confession to make. I don't tend to have anxiety but, for some reason when it comes to doctors appointments, especially early morning ones, I tend to freak out about and end up rescheduling them.... I don't know what it is about it. I wasn't always like that.. I guess it could have with my last pregnancy with Ms. Lexie AKA little bit. My appointments with her were never good and ended up sending me to the hospital. Of course their is no need for that this time, but my mind can't stop thinking about it.. Then there were the doctors who always rushed you and just look at you funny when you try to tell them something. Like, they don't believe you. I hate doctors like that. Ah well...

I have an appointment and I am going to discuss something with him. Hopefully  he will listen.

The house that built me.. And the neighborhood.

Have you heard the song my Miranda Lambert, The house that built me?  I kinda felt like it written for me.

I have lived in Georgia now, for the better of 13 years. We have moved back to Massachusetts twice in those 13 years and every time I go back, even to visit, I feel like a stranger. It's just not the same. Towns, city's and neighborhoods have all changed. Of course us kids are older now and have gone our separate ways it's what we are expected to do. I guess, I just kinda thought our parents would always be there, so we could have a centralized meeting ground for when we came to visit.

 Well, of course that's not the case. Only a few our parents remain in the same "Hood" we grew up in. Thanks Maureen, for the above picture. She is one of the remaining few to still grace the Packachoag Hill area. Most, have sold their houses and moved on to bigger and better things. My mom, has left too but not by choice. I don't want to get into that. I am sure the house I grew up in will either be completely remodeled or demolished. The neighborhood just doesn't feel like home anymore. Streets have been added and taken away. Buildings like the one you see above, demolished.

This, was once a store. It caught fire about 5 years ago. It had three name; Pandi's, Fitzi's & Tee's. Pandi, was the original owner and someone my dad knew quite well. My Dad grew up in the neighborhood around the corner affectionately called College Hill. He would often tell me stories of my dad and my dad told stories of Pandi. They had a love, hate relationship. Then, Fitzi's bought it. Man, they had the best food around. Dennis, could make just about anything you wanted. I'll never forget getting greeted every morning with a smile from Dianne, Dennis' wife or MaryBeth. They were so kind and felt like family. Dianne knew, if I wasn't getting my usual Sprite that she would be making me a sausage, egg & cheese sandwich on a bulkie. My mouth is watering now, just thinking about it. Then, the memories that make me tear up, involved my daughter and my Dad. As soon as I had her, he took her there to show her off, did I mention everyone who worked there, was like family?

 As Brieana grew older, he would sneak her down there, and tell her she could have anything she wanted in the candy section and get her ice cream. She would come home with a brown paper bag filled to the brim with candy. Daddy gave me the "She's my granddaughter, I can get her what ever I want" lecture. Even though candy was never allowed unless it was a special occasion. What could I do? I just laughed, he loved Brieana so much, who was I to say anything. I loved hearing the whispers before and after going to the store.

Malvern Road, definitely won't feel like home anymore. I know, I need to make new memories, and we do. This just shows you truly need to make wonderful memories count and hold onto them for all their worth. Because one day, all you will have left is memories.

My Matthew's story...

This is the story of how I lost my Matthew, due to a doctors mistake.. I still cry every time I read it
There is not a day that goes by, I don't think of him. I urge you, if you feel something is not right, and you are second guessing a doctor, don't be afraid to get a second opinion. Dr's are human and can make mistakes. Don't let their mistake be your tragedy...


Written November 23,  2007


A horrible Medical Mistake.. The Story about my Sweet Matthew, may he RIP
Current mood: depressed
Category: Blogging

I am writing this not re live this horrible experience but to bring awareness about this horrible situation to those who may be going through the same thing.I feel so empty inside. The pain is overwhelming. I am finally at the point where I no longer feeling guilty, just incredibly upset..

Let me start from the beginning:

Back in September, I discovered I was expecting a baby. It was a shock because Lee and I were not trying. I was scared at first but grew to be incredibly excited. Lee was thrilled with the news. We viewed it as our special gift from God...Brieana and Dylan were conceived with help through a fertility drug called clomid. We were incredibly excited. Since I am not a regular female, and have irregular cycles, due to suffering from PCOS- I did not know how far a long I was. So, I went to the Dr. The Dr, did not know exactly how far a long I was either. I was told to come back for another Ultra sound in three weeks.

Three weeks came and I couldn't wait. I was excited to see my little bean on the screen. Well, she did the u/s and said I was possibly 5 weeks. I took blood tests to test my hormone levels. They came back and she wanted me to come in a week later for another u/s. She said she didn't think the baby was growing and she wanted to do more blood week in three days. This news was heart wrenching. I prayed and prayed as did some of my friends and family.

The results came back, my levels were going down. As you know the doctors told me that my pregnancy was not viable and that I was carrying a 5 week sack. It broke my heart and I didn't understand. I was still getting sick, I was still having a sore chest. But, they said the baby wasn't developing. There was only a sack, no placenta, no fetus. My levels were dropping. The pregnancy needed to end. I was devastated but with God, I accepted it and came to terms with it. So, I started the medication. For being 5 weeks, she said they should be doubling. She decided that I needed to end the pregnancy, called it a missed abortion.. (missed miscarriage) So, she prescribed me a pill that would end my dream and my love, my pregnancy. I was devastated.. I prayed and prayed for a miracle. God spoke to me and I came to terms with it. I said, okay was going to get through this and get ready to try for another baby. Since there was no heart beat, no fetus and no placenta, I was at peace. I was still upset but knew, that the sooner this horrible nightmare was over with, we would start trying for another one. Not that I would be replacing the baby but, trying to move on.

The first dose didn't work. I called the Dr. on call said it's ok, it's possible I may have to take it again. That I should come in on Monday. I went in on Monday, they did another ultra sound, the "sack" was still there. So, she upped my dose. Told me to take it the same way and call if there were any problems.

I took it at 7. I wanted to make sure that Lee was home incase anything happened. Around 11:30, the pain and the bleeding started. It started to become unbearable I took some motrin hoping that it would help ease the pain. I took a hot bath and used a heating pad. I tried to get some sleep and prayed, that's the worse it would be. I was finally able to sleep.

Around 2:30, the pain woke me up it was horrible.. To me, it felt like I was in labor. I tried everything, motrin, darvocet, heating pads, hot baths. NOTHING worked. I suffered from this pain until around 5:45 I decided to call the Dr. on call, I didn't think I needed to be going through that much pain. After telling the Dr. all of the things I tried, she too agreed I needed to go to the ER because I should not have been in that much pain. I hung up, called my Mom to tell her what was going on. When I got off the phone with her, I walked into the kitchen. coughed and felt a burst of fluid come out, almost like when my water broke with the Brieana and Dylan. I thought it was weird, I mean I wasn't supposed to have that. At first, I thought it could have been blood. I went into the bathroom to change and did notice that it was indeed amniotic fluid. Scratching my head I got up, The pain had subsided somewhat and I debated going to hospital. I had laid down for a moment. The pain started again and I decided to go in anyway. So, I got up... I felt another burst. I assumed it had to be blood, but I was wrong again. I went back into the bathroom, more fluid. I sat down on the toilet.. 5 mins later, the most horrible, unimaginable thing happened... I delivered a 13 week fetus... I could tell the baby was a boy, he had perfect little hands, feet, legs and body.. This was NOT supposed to happen. He was NOT supposed to be there. How could the Drs miss him??? How could I do this to my unborn baby? I told Lee what happened, he assumed I had passed the sac. I told him to come and look and that it was actually a baby. He was horrified.. My poor, poor husband instantly turned white and immediately got upset.
I called the Doctor on call back and explained what happened. She was confused and kept trying to calm me down. I was crying hysterically. She advised me to get some sleep (like that was going to happen) and come to the office first thing, 9 am. We had to wait for Brieana to go to school, thankfully, she wanted to go because I would never want to make my little girl upset. I did not want her to see me like this. She didn't deserve it. We went to the Dr.s office. My wonderful friends and neighbors across the street watched Dylan for me. They have been my life savers and such dear friends. They have supported me, prayed with me and helped me tremendously. 

They took my son to analyze him. They came into the room and were in shock. They had no explanation to offer me. The head Dr. came into the room and made me re live the horrible ordeal from day one. He told me that he hardly ever prescribes the drug for which I took. He said the shock and pain is just too much. So, I had to tell him everything... It was soo hard through my tears. Lee, was by my side and I grew to love him soooo much more. They did another U/S and guess what? That Sack, was still there!!!!! I was sooo pissed!
They said, they believed I had fibroids and that I needed to be sent to the hospital to be monitored (I was bleeding quite heavily) They were going to do a more in depth U/S to see exactly what was going on and to make sure I did not need a D & C. Why couldn't they have done a more in depth U/s before? There u/s was horrible. Not to mention, I had a lot of scar tissue from my two previous births. They never even asked for my previous medical records. Isn't that kind of odd? The Dr. Prayed with me, like that would make everything all better. He said a lot of stuff that I couldn't really remember, I was too upset. He kept referring to my baby as a specimen.. Every time he said that, I cringed. He was not a specimen, he was my child, my SON!. They determined him to be a 13-14 week fetus. How could they miss him?? I just don't get it! I told him I was an EMT and he was shocked. Almost like, oh wow, I can't get anything past her.

I couldn't stop crying, the pain was intense, it still hurts. I was in pain physically and mentally. I got checked in, got into bed and had to give my son to the nurse to take to pathology... I had to warn her because I don't think she realized what she was going to see. When I told her, she held my hand and said she was sorry. All the nurses were wonderful.. They were compassionate and wonderful. I was very lucky.
I went down for my U/S at 12 am. The U/S tech said that my Uterus was very enlarged. But said she wasn't able to see any fibroids.

The Dr came to see me and told me that there were no fibroids and that my Uterus was measuring at 14 cm.. Perfect size to house my son. He also said that because of the previous c-sections it was shaped wierd and that's why they missed him. They said I should have a special test done to see how my uterus was shaped. I am planning on doing that because I do NOT want this to happen again. He said he still has no explanation as to why this happened and that he and my other Dr. were deeply hurt over this as well.

We will have another baby. Lee and I decided that he had to have a name. We knew he was a boy. He needed a special name because he was special. We didn't want to name him the name we picked out, we still wanted to use that name. Not to mention, he was too special for that name. Thanks to Francine, we found the perfect name. Matthew, it means gift from God. We knew we wanted him to have a name that was in the bible. HE was truly our gift. I know I will see him again someday, I know, he is in the best place there is. I am just still sad. I will always love him. He made me learn love on a whole new level. He also made me realize just how special life is and cherish Brieana and Dylan even more.


I will get through this, my love of God will help and my love for my husband and children will keep me thriving.
Thank you for reading this and please, do me a favor, Hug your loved ones. They are a miracle.

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support, your love too will get me through this.
I need it and I couldn't ask for better friends and family. I love you all. 

*3 months later, I was pregnant with Kyle. Matthew is gone, but not forgotten

Me

1. Where did you take your profile picture? It was taken in Ma, when we still lived there.

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?  Old Care T-shirt, Navy Blue Sweat shirt, black pants, slippers

3. What is your current problem? Money, Money, Money

4. What makes you happy most? My Children, husband, friends  and family

5. What are you listening to at the moment?  Oddly enough I only hear my computer and the clicking of key's as I type. Very rare  in this house.

6. Any celeb you would marry? Only a few.. Alexander Saarsgaurd.

7. Name someone with the same birthday as you. There are a few

8. Ever sang in front of a large audience? Yes, many times

9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Brooke Sheilds once upon a time

10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows? Yes....what do you expect with a house full of children....

11. Do you speak any language? Only English and a tiny bit of ALS. Just because you don't hear words doesn't mean you aren't speaking. 

12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Yes, Sadly My Dad, and a few others.

13. What’s your favorite band? I have so many

14. What's something that really annoys you?  When my friends are hurt and Politics

Chapter 1:

==============

1. Middle name: Louise

2. Nicknames: Momma, Mommy, Boo Boo Kitty 

3. Current location: Computer desk in Living room

4. Eye color: Blue

Chapter 2:

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1. Do you live with your parent(s)?No

2. Do you get along with your parent(s):Yes

3. Do you have any Siblings? Yes

Chapter 3: Favorites

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1. Ice Cream: Black Raspberry

2. Season: Spring in GA/ Summer in MA (although spring has started off pretty cool) 

3.Shampoo/conditioner: Pantene The one that is without silicone

Chapter 4: Do You ??

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1. Dance in the shower? No

2. Do you write on your hand? If I need to and there is no paper in sight.

3. Call people back? I try to......

4. Believe in love: Yes

5. Any bad habits: swearing

Chapter 5: Have You..

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1. Sprained stuff: Yes

2. Broke a bone: yes

3. Had physical therapy:yes

4. Gotten stitches: Yes

5. Taken painkillers: Yes

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling: No--would like to

7. Been stung by a bee: Yes

8. Thrown up at the dentist  no.

9. Sworn in front of your parents: Yeah .

10. Had detention: once

Chapter 6: what/who was the last?

===============

1. Movie: The Amazing Spider Man. It was pretty good

2. Person to text? My Mom

3. Person you called: My mom

4. Person you hugged: all of my babies

5. Person you tackled: Nobody 

6. Person you talked to on Skype:Wullly

7. Thing you touched? My keyboard & mouse

8. Thing you ate? We just had dinner, Beef Fajita's

9. Thing you drank Milk to help with the heartburn the Fajita's will cause

10. Thing you said: Yeah, I like Modern Warfare better than Black Ops 2

Chapter 7: Future

===============

1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I can't predict what the future holds

2. 10 years? see above

3. In 50 years? see 1

4. Where do you hope to live? Hopefully Tifton, since we own a house.

5. Do you want to be famous? No

6. Do you want children? I have 5 and I am completely done with the baby making business

7. Will you have plastic surgery? doubt it

\

Maybe not that twisted..

I don't claim to own this picture.

Blogging for idiots

Blogging is totally not an easy task. There is so much to learn I might need to go to school for it.