My Matthew's story...

This is the story of how I lost my Matthew, due to a doctors mistake.. I still cry every time I read it
There is not a day that goes by, I don't think of him. I urge you, if you feel something is not right, and you are second guessing a doctor, don't be afraid to get a second opinion. Dr's are human and can make mistakes. Don't let their mistake be your tragedy...


Written November 23,  2007


A horrible Medical Mistake.. The Story about my Sweet Matthew, may he RIP
Current mood: depressed
Category: Blogging

I am writing this not re live this horrible experience but to bring awareness about this horrible situation to those who may be going through the same thing.I feel so empty inside. The pain is overwhelming. I am finally at the point where I no longer feeling guilty, just incredibly upset..

Let me start from the beginning:

Back in September, I discovered I was expecting a baby. It was a shock because Lee and I were not trying. I was scared at first but grew to be incredibly excited. Lee was thrilled with the news. We viewed it as our special gift from God...Brieana and Dylan were conceived with help through a fertility drug called clomid. We were incredibly excited. Since I am not a regular female, and have irregular cycles, due to suffering from PCOS- I did not know how far a long I was. So, I went to the Dr. The Dr, did not know exactly how far a long I was either. I was told to come back for another Ultra sound in three weeks.

Three weeks came and I couldn't wait. I was excited to see my little bean on the screen. Well, she did the u/s and said I was possibly 5 weeks. I took blood tests to test my hormone levels. They came back and she wanted me to come in a week later for another u/s. She said she didn't think the baby was growing and she wanted to do more blood week in three days. This news was heart wrenching. I prayed and prayed as did some of my friends and family.

The results came back, my levels were going down. As you know the doctors told me that my pregnancy was not viable and that I was carrying a 5 week sack. It broke my heart and I didn't understand. I was still getting sick, I was still having a sore chest. But, they said the baby wasn't developing. There was only a sack, no placenta, no fetus. My levels were dropping. The pregnancy needed to end. I was devastated but with God, I accepted it and came to terms with it. So, I started the medication. For being 5 weeks, she said they should be doubling. She decided that I needed to end the pregnancy, called it a missed abortion.. (missed miscarriage) So, she prescribed me a pill that would end my dream and my love, my pregnancy. I was devastated.. I prayed and prayed for a miracle. God spoke to me and I came to terms with it. I said, okay was going to get through this and get ready to try for another baby. Since there was no heart beat, no fetus and no placenta, I was at peace. I was still upset but knew, that the sooner this horrible nightmare was over with, we would start trying for another one. Not that I would be replacing the baby but, trying to move on.

The first dose didn't work. I called the Dr. on call said it's ok, it's possible I may have to take it again. That I should come in on Monday. I went in on Monday, they did another ultra sound, the "sack" was still there. So, she upped my dose. Told me to take it the same way and call if there were any problems.

I took it at 7. I wanted to make sure that Lee was home incase anything happened. Around 11:30, the pain and the bleeding started. It started to become unbearable I took some motrin hoping that it would help ease the pain. I took a hot bath and used a heating pad. I tried to get some sleep and prayed, that's the worse it would be. I was finally able to sleep.

Around 2:30, the pain woke me up it was horrible.. To me, it felt like I was in labor. I tried everything, motrin, darvocet, heating pads, hot baths. NOTHING worked. I suffered from this pain until around 5:45 I decided to call the Dr. on call, I didn't think I needed to be going through that much pain. After telling the Dr. all of the things I tried, she too agreed I needed to go to the ER because I should not have been in that much pain. I hung up, called my Mom to tell her what was going on. When I got off the phone with her, I walked into the kitchen. coughed and felt a burst of fluid come out, almost like when my water broke with the Brieana and Dylan. I thought it was weird, I mean I wasn't supposed to have that. At first, I thought it could have been blood. I went into the bathroom to change and did notice that it was indeed amniotic fluid. Scratching my head I got up, The pain had subsided somewhat and I debated going to hospital. I had laid down for a moment. The pain started again and I decided to go in anyway. So, I got up... I felt another burst. I assumed it had to be blood, but I was wrong again. I went back into the bathroom, more fluid. I sat down on the toilet.. 5 mins later, the most horrible, unimaginable thing happened... I delivered a 13 week fetus... I could tell the baby was a boy, he had perfect little hands, feet, legs and body.. This was NOT supposed to happen. He was NOT supposed to be there. How could the Drs miss him??? How could I do this to my unborn baby? I told Lee what happened, he assumed I had passed the sac. I told him to come and look and that it was actually a baby. He was horrified.. My poor, poor husband instantly turned white and immediately got upset.
I called the Doctor on call back and explained what happened. She was confused and kept trying to calm me down. I was crying hysterically. She advised me to get some sleep (like that was going to happen) and come to the office first thing, 9 am. We had to wait for Brieana to go to school, thankfully, she wanted to go because I would never want to make my little girl upset. I did not want her to see me like this. She didn't deserve it. We went to the Dr.s office. My wonderful friends and neighbors across the street watched Dylan for me. They have been my life savers and such dear friends. They have supported me, prayed with me and helped me tremendously. 

They took my son to analyze him. They came into the room and were in shock. They had no explanation to offer me. The head Dr. came into the room and made me re live the horrible ordeal from day one. He told me that he hardly ever prescribes the drug for which I took. He said the shock and pain is just too much. So, I had to tell him everything... It was soo hard through my tears. Lee, was by my side and I grew to love him soooo much more. They did another U/S and guess what? That Sack, was still there!!!!! I was sooo pissed!
They said, they believed I had fibroids and that I needed to be sent to the hospital to be monitored (I was bleeding quite heavily) They were going to do a more in depth U/S to see exactly what was going on and to make sure I did not need a D & C. Why couldn't they have done a more in depth U/s before? There u/s was horrible. Not to mention, I had a lot of scar tissue from my two previous births. They never even asked for my previous medical records. Isn't that kind of odd? The Dr. Prayed with me, like that would make everything all better. He said a lot of stuff that I couldn't really remember, I was too upset. He kept referring to my baby as a specimen.. Every time he said that, I cringed. He was not a specimen, he was my child, my SON!. They determined him to be a 13-14 week fetus. How could they miss him?? I just don't get it! I told him I was an EMT and he was shocked. Almost like, oh wow, I can't get anything past her.

I couldn't stop crying, the pain was intense, it still hurts. I was in pain physically and mentally. I got checked in, got into bed and had to give my son to the nurse to take to pathology... I had to warn her because I don't think she realized what she was going to see. When I told her, she held my hand and said she was sorry. All the nurses were wonderful.. They were compassionate and wonderful. I was very lucky.
I went down for my U/S at 12 am. The U/S tech said that my Uterus was very enlarged. But said she wasn't able to see any fibroids.

The Dr came to see me and told me that there were no fibroids and that my Uterus was measuring at 14 cm.. Perfect size to house my son. He also said that because of the previous c-sections it was shaped wierd and that's why they missed him. They said I should have a special test done to see how my uterus was shaped. I am planning on doing that because I do NOT want this to happen again. He said he still has no explanation as to why this happened and that he and my other Dr. were deeply hurt over this as well.

We will have another baby. Lee and I decided that he had to have a name. We knew he was a boy. He needed a special name because he was special. We didn't want to name him the name we picked out, we still wanted to use that name. Not to mention, he was too special for that name. Thanks to Francine, we found the perfect name. Matthew, it means gift from God. We knew we wanted him to have a name that was in the bible. HE was truly our gift. I know I will see him again someday, I know, he is in the best place there is. I am just still sad. I will always love him. He made me learn love on a whole new level. He also made me realize just how special life is and cherish Brieana and Dylan even more.


I will get through this, my love of God will help and my love for my husband and children will keep me thriving.
Thank you for reading this and please, do me a favor, Hug your loved ones. They are a miracle.

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support, your love too will get me through this.
I need it and I couldn't ask for better friends and family. I love you all. 

*3 months later, I was pregnant with Kyle. Matthew is gone, but not forgotten